A Burnham-On-Sea man who cared for his parents while they suffered with Alzheimer’s and dementia has written a book to help others going through the same experience.
Stuart Dollery says looking after his mum Diana, who had with Alzheimers, and his father Colin, who was diagnosed with dementia had been a “rollercoaster.”
He has now shared his experience in a new book called A Love Remembered which has been published this month and already become a best-seller on Amazon in its category.
Stuart says: “I just hope our story helps other people on their journeys.”
He says that as an only child he had always felt a “huge responsibility” when it came to his parents’ care and he persuaded them to move from their home in Wiltshire to Somerset to be closer to him when they needed extra support.
He said he had started to notice a change in his mum’s behaviour and abilities, like being able to put on gloves or a coat, being able to use the stairs and repeating herself.
But things came to a head when she took his children to a nearby town and forgot how to make the journey home despite it being a trip she had made many times.
Stuart says his “gregarious, outgoing and fun” mum, who had previously worked as a florist, was later diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
“My mum was diagnosed for seven years. Her journey was a very long drawn out process. It was just torturous,” he adds.
Stuart says that in the early days, his father Colin had taken the reins when it came to her care, something he believes affected his health.
Eventually, Stuart says his mum was moved to a nursing home after “her condition worsened” and she needed around the clock care.
“At that point I didn’t think it was going to be a permanent thing and both me and my dad found it difficult to go and visit her,” he added.
Stuart adds that his mum eventually became non-verbal and he questioned whether she recognised him.
While his mum was living in a care home, Stuart said he had not realised there was anything wrong with his father until “one life changing event”.
“He rung me up and said ‘I’ve done a really stupid thing. I drove the wrong way on the motorway’.” Stuart said his father had driven 19 miles north on the southbound carriageway of the M5, in the dark, in the fast lane.
He was eventually stopped by police after they deployed stinger devices and boxed him in. His father, who Stuart described as “very logical, articulate and intelligent”, did not face any criminal charges and instead got his licence taken away after being assessed and diagnosed with frontal temporal lobe dementia.
“It all happened relatively quick. He had carers coming in,” he said. His dad Colin, who had worked for the RAF and MoD, later died from sepsis in 2018, which was news that he said he could not bear to tell his mum who “just wouldn’t understand.”
“In a way it saved him from going through what my mum went through,” he said. Diana died a year later in 2019. “Even though it was a relief, she was out of the pain but at the same time it was quite a shock when I did lose her,” adds Stuart.
Looking back, one of the things Stuart wishes he had had done was talk to his mum about her wishes for the future, power of attorney and the legal arrangements after her death.
Stuart says that he hopes his book, which he wrote in three months, will help others on their journey of looking after loved ones with memory loss. He adds: “I think it may help people recognise where there may be issues for someone they love. A love remembered – it’s part a love for my parents because they were great parents and also the love between my mum and dad.”
